Meet my daughter Rinki

As we walked through the door we were greeted with flowers, freshly picked from the yard and tied together with string. Rinki gave each of us our own bouquet. Her mother stood in the doorway blowing a conch shell to mark our arrival. Next she took a little dish with a shimmering paste and dabbed a bit onto each of our foreheads, a blessing to keep us safe. Finally she touched each of our feet, bringing her hands to her forehead, showing respect to her elders as is the tradition. She was wearing a clean pink dress, had a sparkling tikka on her forehead and the smallest diamond in her nose. She brought her hands together in front of her to greet us with Namaskar. She looked pretty and shy and smiled at us with curiosity. This was Rinki, the girl I sponsored almost two years ago, who I like to refer to as my adopted daughter. She fulfills a certain need I have to nurture, to give something back. For me she represents all the little faces that I have seen and have not been able to help. I was very much looking forward to meeting her and her family.

They live a little village called Naiti which is on the outskirts of Kolkata (formerly Calcutta). I arranged the visit with Children International, the organization that manages the sponsorships. The project director picked us up from our Kolkata hotel and drove us out to the village where she lives. On the way the director answered questions about the program and the culture and the hardships that poor people face here in India. Poverty is not uncommon here. You see it everywhere. We stopped at a train crossing and a swarm of children who matched the dirty, dusty road swarmed around us begging for food and money. It’s really heartbreaking. That is why I feel so good supporting this organization. They help people help themselves. They offer more lasting relief. (Everyone should adopt their own child: http://www.childreninternational.org/)

The thing that always amazes me most is how the people who have the very least are the most generous. Rinki's family fed us a large and delicious meal complete with tea and dessert. We were waited on at every turn with more coconut juice, more galub jamun (little syrup soaked doughnut), more rice, more chipatis.

The whole family came out to see us. There were aunts and uncles and cousins all dressed in their best saris. What a beautiful group of women! Rinki has two older sisters, one 16 the other 17. The older sister recently got married. It is common here for poor families (especially those with no sons) to marry off their daughters at a young age. The marriage is arranged between the fathers of the two families. Rinki's father was a tall and seemingly kind man. He greeted us at the car and accompanied us to his house. He talked with the project director and explained his situation when she boldly requested that he not marry-off his second daughter until she had finished school. Rinki's older sister didn’t meet her husband until their wedding. I looked at the few wedding pictures they had taken and smiled and commented on the elaborate outfits and the delicate paint that adorned her hands and forehead. She really did look beautiful, despite the reluctant expression. Rinki's mother is the one who stands out most vividly in my mind. She was tall, had a sincere smile and the most memorable eyes. All of her daughters had inherited those eyes. Large and dark they were so expressive.

Our visit ended too soon. I wanted to take the time to get to know them. I wished so much that I could speak Bengali. I would have loved to ask the daughter about her wedding, if she wanted to get married, if he was a nice husband. I would have liked to ask the mother if she was happy, if she had dreams for her daughters. I would have loved to sit and talk to Rinki for a while. Take time to get past the shyness that is inevitable in a first meeting. I would have liked to get to know her personality, what she liked, what she hoped for. Next time. I do have the satisfaction of knowing that this relationship will continue, if only in letters. For now, I have a wonderful memory of her family and lots of photos!